I’ve been putting away writing anything in this blog for over a year now, although I love the idea and I think a blog that explores how and why productions are made is much needed in local theatre scene. So I thought hell, why not write a post about why I’ve been postponing writing here for so long.
I’ve always admired people who have the fierceness and bravery to believe that what they are doing is the right thing and it can’t possibly be otherwise. Actors, first of all – because to be an actor you need to remember how to play, and by play I don’t mean “act”, I mean playing like children play. You probably don’t think about this often, but it’s a skill that most of us loose with age. Directors, also, because along the way you will meet with so many obstacles that if one of them is your own mind you will never get anywhere. In fact, that kind of bravery is a requirement for being a theatre maker, without it you won’t get much further than staging plays in your head.
I, however, don’t have the thing I am talking about. I constantly feel like I don’t belong, wonder if I am qualified enough and think that maybe I am overstepping some fort of boundaries. I think the “fierceness” is trainable. Some people have it naturally, but you can also learn it, like you learn to draw and solve equations. I’ve gotten a lot better at it over the years. Nonetheless, whenever I come up with an idea for the blog I think about how, really, I have so little to do with the theatre world, I am just a student, how can I even think of writing about this… Silly, I know, and I talk myself through a multitude of arguments that prove me wrong, yet the constant nudge is there.
I wonder, sometimes, weather the successful, talented, brilliant people I admire get that feeling or if with time it disappears completely. Do you ever get it or are you one of the naturally confident?
In any case, I thought writing this out would push me to write more articles – I’ve been working on two: one about stage consent and one about the importance of having different levels on stage. If all is well they should be online shortly. I also plan doing plenty of interviews with local creatives, so let me know if there is anything you particularly want to see.
The photo attached is by Anna Spokoynaya. You can find her on insta @ne.spokoynaya
Theatre Machine 